What Now?

Dream come true.

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 00:56:48 -0400

I’m sitting here in my self loathing, thinking how everything can just go to hell. I would set this place on fire if I could, just burn everything down and kick the dust into the wind. I feel like some how that would set me free that I can get rid of all this shit that surrounds me and just leave. I can’t loose anything if I have nothing to loose. I hate everything about this house, it like things are just spilling from every corner and it just keeps getting smaller and smaller. And I’m standing there pulling my hair out and clawing red marks across the skin I can’t stand to be in wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.

Isn’t this all I ever wanted?

Photo

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 03:22:46 -0400

I get in your pants now okay?

Sat, 11 Jun 2011 00:05:21 -0400

I'll answer in complete honesty

Fri, 10 Jun 2011 23:59:52 -0400

I'll answer in complete honesty:

The person I like and why I like them

A famous person Ive been compared to

5 things that irritate me about the same/opposite sex

The best thing that has happened to me this week

Weird things I do when Im alone

How Id spend ten thousand bucks

Things I like and things I dont like about the way I look

My last night out in detail

Something that makes me sad when I think about it

Something Ive lied about

Would I rather be stranded on a desert island with someone I love for ten years or someone I hate for a month? Explain why

Something Im currently worrying about

One person from Tumblr Id throw off a cliff, one Id marry and one Id fuck

Something I do without realizing

Lyrics that apply to my current situation/mood

A drunken story

Something I regret

To do list

Post a picture of myself

My longest relationship and who it was with

Press Ctrl V and post

Post a bit of my last IM convo

5 things I want to change

My view on being Tumblr Famous

Someone Id like to be for a day and why

5 things within touching distance

Story of my first kiss

An embarrassing/socially awkward situation Ive found myself in

Something Im not proud of

The last argument I had

Doing it ‘cause I’m bored. Hopefully I get asked lmao

Sounds fun!

Wow this place is depressing.

Thu, 09 Jun 2011 01:35:00 -0400

I’m sitting here reading through posts and I realize the last post I read was sadder than the one before it. I always wonder…

“Dude is it really that bad?”

And granted maybe it is.

But thats the way I am. I don’t let things get to me. It’s not a conscious choice it just happens. Its something I picked up on this journey called life. You get what you put into it. Be negative and things will always be negative. Look at things with a brighter perspective and everything wont be the end of the world.

I’m not trying to say that people over react to their problems but I feel that…how do I put this…if you don’t break from whats getting you down, if you don’t push it aside, fight it off. You wont be able to move on. and I mean fight it off. If you want to be a certain way or are aiming for something, then do it. Stop saying you can’t, dont linger in the past. Tommorow is a new day, yesterday was yesterday. Those were yesterdays feelings. Everyday you wake is a new chance to feel alive so stop wasting it on pondering yer time away.

Thinking is a dangerous thing. So my advice is to stop negative thoughts before they begin.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Its your choice…

Stop suffering my lovelies…

Heroine of Your Novel: The little elevator technician that could...

Thu, 09 Jun 2011 01:10:26 -0400

Heroine of Your Novel: The little elevator technician that could...:

fizz182:

On a scorching hot summer day such as today, what other better way to spend it by scanning SoHo looking for ways to surpress my boredom. So far, I’ve emptied out my wallet by buying so many train fares and food. My mom doesn’t cook much anymore because she goes to school and has two jobs…..yes, my…

Thank you!! I can never explain this concept to people!

walrus-tm: XD LMAO LOL I see what you did there

Wed, 01 Jun 2011 23:45:38 -0400

walrus-tm:

XD LMAO

LOL I see what you did there

Still waiting.

Tue, 31 May 2011 00:50:23 -0400

Today I am restless.

Its like time cant go by any slower. Its like people cant piss me off more.

Everyday I find myself thinking about the mail. Just picturing an envelope with my name on it sitting on the hall desk waiting for me. Waiting for me to come and pick it up. Waiting for me to rip it open and devour its contents with my hungry eyes. Eyes that hunger for relief. A girl who hungers for home.

The days go by. No letter for me.

I pass that desk in the hall day after day, day and night, hoping.

Cause’ thats all I can do.

lemonandbutter: If anyone curious…this called martabak....

Thu, 26 May 2011 23:28:28 -0400

lemonandbutter:

If anyone curious…this called martabak. Basically, it is a sweet thick pancake filled with rice choco, sesame seed, and nuts. It’s SUPER tasty!

Fizz’s dad makes the best!!!!11 food-gasm. CHOCOLATE PEANUT PANCAKES/MARTABAK <3

This stuff is so awesome I love it when Fizzs dad makes it lol

Stoic?

Sun, 22 May 2011 01:19:23 -0400

Everytime I think about my past I feel like I’m watching the life of someone esle. These things couldnt of possibly happened to me. Its wierd. I like to say the things I’ve gone through haven’t affected me but…I dont really know. I like to think I’m strong…that nothing hurts me but that makes me…stoic. In a sense? maybe? I guess.

Nothing hurts me so I shut off to emotions. Hate, anger, remorse, pain…I shut off. And sometimes…love…sometimes happiness…sometimes. Not always. That doesnt make me an unhappy person cuz I’m not. Its just hard to show….really hard. Lol.

Non the less I am happy. >__> why I have to keep repeating this I am not sure. But I am. Surely I should be! Everythings good.

It’s all good.

I can’t help but wonder what I have deprived myself of because I refused to let myself feel. And now its hard to do so.

I often wonder if anyone can tell…Blah. (its not so bad)

Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. When wearing a skirt didn’t make you a slut. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn’t wait to grow up

Wed, 11 May 2011 04:33:59 -0400

Strike out everything you've done

Mon, 09 May 2011 21:46:00 -0400

Strike out everything you've done:

1. Had a threesome.
2. Been drunk.
3. Touched a real gun.
4. Done drugs.
5. Wrote on a bathroom stall.
6. Took “naughty” pictures of myself.
7. ~~Had sex.~~
8. Got into a fist fight.
9. ~~Used Twitter.~~
10. ~~Listened to Lady Gaga.~~
11. ~~Been in a car accident.~~
12. Gotten suspended.
13. Gotten expelled.
14. ~~Got a computer virus~~.
15. ~~Had a hand-written diary.~~
16. ~~Been allergic to something~~.
17. ~~Had a dog.~~
18. ~~Had a cat.~~
19. Been pregnant.
20. Had a pregnancy scare.
21. ~~Had unprotected sex.~~
22. Camped out.
23. ~~Swam in the ocean~~.
24. Wore a bikini.
25. Meet someone online in person.
26. ~~Made a survey.~~
27. Used ICQ.
28. ~~Failed a class for the year.~~
29. Repeated a grade.
30. ~~Went to summer school.~~
31. ~~Got the high honor roll.~~
32. ~~Got the regular honor roll.~~
33. Learned to speak another language fluently.
34. ~~Read an entire book~~.
35. Recorded my own music.
36. ~~Had an xBox.~~
37. Listened to Rammstein.
38. ~~Wore fishnets~~.
39. ~~Bought skinny jeans.~~
40. ~~Been in love.~~
41. ~~Hated someone.~~
42. Been cheated on.
43. Cheated on someone.
44. ~~Had a significant other.~~
45. Did something sexual with someone of the same sex.
46. Practiced Christianity.
47. ~~Worn makeup~~.
48. ~~Had a cavity.~~
49. Had surgery.
50. Had my license.
51. ~~Been to college.~~
52. ~~Graduated high school.~~
53. Attempted suicide.
54. Worn colored contacts.
55. ~~Painted my nails black.~~
56. Broken someone’s heart.
57. ~~Had my heart broken.~~
58. Cried for an hour straight.
59. ~~Lost something very valuable.~~
60. Had sex in a car.
61. ~~Got separated from my parents as a kid.~~
62. Broken a bone.
63. Gotten stung by a bee.
64. ~~Eaten something bad/expired~~.
65. Threw up from being so drunk.
66. Had to put a pet to sleep.
67. Participated in a swinger’s party.
68. ~~Owned an iPod~~.
69. Owned an iPhone.
70. ~~Fell for a best friend.~~
71. Stole a friend’s significant other.
72. ~~Got a computer virus.~~
73. ~~Went away from home for more than a week~~.
74. ~~Moved out.~~
75. ~~Ran away.~~
76. ~~Teased my brother/sister.~~
77. Gotten into a fist fight.
78. ~~Been to the hospital~~.
79. ~~Had food poisoning.~~
80. ~~Had a job.~~
81. ~~Been fired~~
82. ~~Lied to a friend.~~
83. ~~Lied to a family member~~.
84. ~~Lied to a significant other.~~
85. Posted a video on YouTube.
86. Started a rumor about someone.
87. Deliberately failed a test.
88. Dropped out of school.
89. Gotten my “private parts” pierced.
90. Been skinny dipping.
91. Counted to a million.
92. ~~Counted to a thousand.~~
93. Ate deer meat.
94. ~~Ate duck meat.~~
95. H~~ad fast food.~~
96. ~~Been to church.~~
97. Been to a synagogue.
98. Been married.
99. Had a divorce.
100. ~~Broken a window.~~

I’m so boring!!

As the world falls apart...

Mon, 09 May 2011 21:33:00 -0400

I stand with my head up high.

My future is bleak but I have my dreams. I have someone to love and be loved by. I have wonderful friends who’ll never let me down. I have a roof over my head, a job food, money. My life is perfect.

My life is beautiful.

I thank God for blessing me with this state of mind. At the end of the day, no matter how hard I’ve fallen or how many tears threatened to spill but never came, I have hope. My heart stops aching and I believe…

Somehow… we’ll be okay.

~Denny

Photo

Sun, 08 May 2011 22:21:35 -0400

godsavethequeene: lovemodelthin: foreveryours247: Ha. Who am...

Sun, 08 May 2011 09:29:53 -0400

godsavethequeene:

lovemodelthin:

foreveryours247:

Ha. Who am I kidding.

HA! On what fantasy island?

Meh. I was asking myself the same question earlier this week & stayed up till 5am because of it. #shattered ego

"Every parting gives a foretaste of death, every reunion a hint of resurrection."

Fri, 06 May 2011 01:41:15 -0400

“Every parting gives a foretaste of death, every reunion a hint of resurrection.”

- ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

Coffee black like Metal

Wed, 04 May 2011 01:28:32 -0400

It was harder than usual to concentrate today in my little coffee shop. My mind was in million different places. Contemplating many different things.

It was the same though. Alone with my endless amounts of papers and the little black cup of coffee. I thought about perhaps adding some milk maybe a little sugar to mask the taste…thats right…who wants black coffee? It’s nearly unbearable. Everyone has a preference, just how everyone has a mask.

I’m much like this small cup of coffee. Bitter,dark,boring. Just add some creamer (I’m little more pleasant) and a bit of sugar (I’m almost bearable). But in the end thats not really coffee. In the end I alter its content, change its original form, to suit my taste just how I alter myself to suit the needs of others.

Its not really Denny. It’s Denny.

You never meant to...but you did.

Wed, 04 May 2011 00:41:50 -0400

Its funny how the people you love the most have the ability to hurt you the most. In most cases they don’t mean to cause you any pain…in most cases… It seems like they don’t understand how much of yourself you’ve left open to them. The people you are close with never realize how different (how distant) you are from others. They’re use to you being “yourself” and not the quiet kid sitting in the corner of the classroom.

Sometimes it’s a few words, maybe a careless action that stays in your mind, makes your heart sink, makes you feel unappreciated.

I suppose its bound to happen. With any relationship there’s that “uh oh” moment as I like to call it. When after a long time of things being good whether it be with a friend or a lover something goes wrong and you think “uh oh, is this it?” Of course that doesn’t mean its the end but it doesn’t mean its ever forgotten.

Whatever you said or whatever I said still remains, your careless actions or my careless actions won’t be forgotten. Whether we decide to talk it over or not.

Today my heart was heavy. It threatened to stop beating.

"Failure is just success rounded down"

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 20:40:41 -0400

“Failure is just success rounded down”

- ~ Lovebugs FB

Mr.Resetti

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 18:20:34 -0400

I always wish there was a reset button for life. Just go to sleep and wake up back to when you last “saved” or back to the last place you could of done something differently. It’s funny every time I wish this i remember Mr.Resetti from the game Animal Crossing (awesome game!). when you reset your game after making a mistake he’d know and he’d lecture you about resetting and yell —-

“THERE’S NO RESET BUTTON IN LIFE, KID!!!”

(Best advice I ever got from an angry mole with high blood pressure.)

You may (or not) be wondering where this train of thought came from…well…I was checking up on my sister (just making sure she was okay) and in a sorrowful rant she said…

”Why do we have to go through this? We didn’t do anything wrong.”

My first thought was…

“The son pays for the sins of the father.” (in this case mother and daughters)

I didn’t know what to say to her other than a few encouraging words that probably fell on deaf ears. but what could I possibly say? She might as well have asked me “what is the meaning if life?” things happen because they just do. God has a plan for us all. Sometimes you may not see the purpose of the path He chooses for us but in the end it will be evident.

Somehow I know we’ll be okay.

At least that’s what I think… “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

…

Still I’ll keep wishing for that magical reset button.